What she is describing is related to the addiction cycle. Dopamine is both a hormone and a neurotransmitter involved in the brain’s reward and motivation systems. It helps us to enjoy life – pleasure and enjoyment are central to our survival. In dating, when you meet someone that gives you a rush, then realize that person is not a healthy fit for you, depending on your trauma history and the degree to which it has been healed, you may find yourself going back again and again to that unhealthy match, seeking the same “rush.” The anticipation of it (the future-oriented fantasy of having love from that person), is where dopamine comes in again.
If there is already a maladaptive neural pathway set up in your brain from needing to love or seek love from an abusive or absent or inconsistently nurturing caregiver in your childhood (a survival mechanism to be recognized with compassion!), then the physiological / psychological motivation to continue returning to that unpredictable source of connection is strengthened, even if cognitively there are warning bells ringing and a thousand red flags. Remember the principle of intermittent reinforcement in behavioral psychology: Providing a pleasure stimulus on an inconsistent basis, rather than a regular basis, produces addictive behavior. There is a connection to dopamine “hits” in that process, i.e., the irregular exposure to something pleasurable increases the motivation to seek it out in order to re-experience the original pleasure – both related to dopamine production and release. In the field of neuroscience, it is called a “reward prediction error.”
I must say that I cannot align with her characterization of the brain or our neurotransmitters as f’d up! The brain is hard wired in the direction of survival. It is only our commitment to self-awareness (use of the pre-frontal cortex and the reasoning parts of the brain) that can modulate the brain’s natural, primal tendency to look for pleasure and threats (processes that can easily bypass the intellect). I would also propose that when someone is not responding to your texts it first feels terrible. The dopamine only kicks in when as an attempt to pull yourself out of depression or disappointment, you begin hoping or anticipating that a text will come or imagining reasons why there is a delay- the expectation of potential love and fulfillment is what activates the dopamine which feels great. When you are in that place of happy hope and expectation, it pushes down the painful idea that you are unlovable (which is always inaccurate!). Even when dopamine-rush related experiences with the actual person are few and far between, the dopamine releases related to fantasies of fulfillment can keep you going back to a “dry well” over and over again because the brain has learned how to generate a cycle of internal pleasure responses simply through cognitions/thoughts.
Trust that your self-awareness is growing by leaps and bounds! This is the fundamental first step to breaking free of those original patterns of reactivity and interpretation of events that helped you survive but are now ready to be replaced, and are being replaced, with new patterns of resiliency, insight, inspired boundary setting, and openness to real, nourishing love and connection.
Here is a link to an article that you may find interesting on the role of dopamine:
There’s nothing quite like the ominous, stomach-churning feeling you get when you realize you’ve done something wrong.
It could be as simple as forgetting a loved one’s birthday, sending a hurtful text, cheating on a test, or lying to your partner. The reality is, we sometimes hurt people we love, make poor judgments, and do things that fall below the moral standards to which we hold ourselves.
Whatever it is, how do you forgive yourself?
When we self-forgive, we do not take the easy way out. We own our actions and gradually move to a place of self-compassion and growth. In this article, we break down the self-forgiveness process and outline steps you can take to foster self-forgiveness.
Before you continue, you might like to download our three Self-Compassion Exercises for free. These detailed, science-based exercises will not only help you increase the compassion and kindness you show yourself, but also give you the tools to help your clients, students, or employees show more compassion to themselves.
Self-forgiveness is not an on-off switch, but a process that happens over time through emotional work and reflection (Woodyatt, Worthington, Wenzel, & Griffin, 2017).
Self-forgiveness requires striking a balance between taking responsibility and maintaining a positive sense of self. When you successfully find this equilibrium, you reach self-forgiveness (Woodyatt et al., 2017).
In psychology, the concept of self-forgiveness is still relatively new and involves a combination of emotional, motivational, and behavioral changes (Woodyatt et al., 2017).
Enright and the Human Development Study Group (1996, p. 116) were the first to offer a concrete psychological definition of self-forgiveness as “a willingness to abandon self-resentment in the face of one’s acknowledged objective wrong, while fostering compassion, generosity, and love toward oneself.”
Enright and the Human Development Study Group (1996) highlighted three important pillars of self-forgiveness:
The release of negative emotions directed toward the self
The cultivation of positive emotions directed toward the self
An acceptance of responsibility
Releasing self-directed negative emotions
When we do something bad, wrong, or against our values, we may be greeted with painful, negative emotions such as shame, guilt, resentment, or anger. We may also have negative thoughts about ourselves, such as, “It’s all my fault” or “I’m a terrible person.”
Self-forgiveness does not mean we skip the step of feeling bad; it simply means that we work through these feelings of self-resentment and then relieve ourselves of them once they’ve served their purpose (Woodyatt et al., 2017). Initially, remorseful feelings can be useful because they motivate us to make amends (Woodyatt et al., 2017).
Cultivating self-directed positive emotions
As well as putting our negative emotions in our rear-view mirror, self-forgiveness involves fostering benevolent thoughts and emotions toward the self in the form of self-compassion, love, and kindness (Woodyatt et al., 2017). Through self-compassion, we can appreciate our shared humanity and acknowledge that we are all flawed and all make mistakes.
Acknowledging and accepting responsibility
If you were to only absolve yourself of negative emotions and shower yourself with positive emotions, this would be “pseudo-self-forgiveness” (Hall & Fincham, 2005). True self-forgiveness involves recognizing the “wrongness” of your actions (Woodyatt et al., 2017).
When a person has caused harm to another, Cornish and Wade (2015) suggest that self-forgiveness should also include an other-focused component, where the person seeks to make amends with the person they’ve wronged and recommits to their values. They suggest this would make it less likely that the “offense” would happen again.
In their model, they discuss the four Rs of genuine self-forgiveness that could be applied in a counseling setting (Cornish & Wade, 2015):
Responsibility The person seeking forgiveness takes responsibility and does not lay blame elsewhere.
Remorse Cornish and Wade (2015) suggest that the individual should work through difficult emotions like shame to more “offense-specific” emotions like guilt, which are more likely to motivate people to make reparations.
Restoration The next step is to actively try to make things right, repair relationships, and reaffirm any moral values that were broken.
Renewal This is a place of self-forgiveness, renewed self-compassion, and self-respect. Through this process, the individual achieves “moral growth.”
You might wonder about the people who have no “wrong” to take responsibility for.
As well as breaking the moral codes of our communities, we may chastise ourselves for not meeting some internal, unrealistic, or perfectionistic standard. You might beat yourself up for failing a driving test or losing a sports competition. Although you believe you’ve failed or let people down in some way, there is no ill intention, no amends to be made, and no one to apologize to.
In this case, developing a more accurate understanding of the limits of responsibility you can reasonably place on yourself could help you unburden yourself of misplaced or excessive “perceived” responsibility (Woodyatt et al., 2017).
When self-forgiveness is not the answer
When working with people to reach self-forgiveness in a counseling setting, Cornish and Wade (2015) emphasize that for some people, self-forgiveness may not be an appropriate focus for healing. For example, when working with victims of a sexual assault, taking responsibility is not warranted, and encouraging self-forgiveness could actually compound harmful feelings of self-blame (Cornish & Wade, 2015).
Additionally, someone who continues to harm another person (e.g. in the case of domestic abuse) is not fully accepting responsibility for their actions. Cornish and Wade (2015) suggest that it’s possible that relieving negative self-directed feelings through premature self-forgiveness could dull the incentive to change behavior.
How to Forgive Yourself: 8 Steps
To foster self-forgiveness in a self-directed way, Griffin, Worthington, Bell, and Davis (2017) suggest that the following are two fundamental aims of the process:
Working toward acknowledging responsibility
Reaffirming your worth
To break it down, here are eight steps you can take to work toward self-forgiveness (Cornish & Wade, 2015; Griffin et al., 2017):
Identify Identify the events or behaviors you wish to forgive yourself for.
Explore Explore your responsibility for what happened. To what extent were you responsible?
Accept and experience remorse When you have acknowledged your level of responsibility, try to accept this responsibility. Remorseful or shameful feelings that arise may be difficult to sit with, so be kind to yourself in the process.
Notice thoughts and feelings Be mindful of your thoughts and feelings and look to challenge perfectionist thinking or any unreasonable standards you’re holding yourself to. If you’re feeling guilt or shame, try to understand this in the context of this one unique event or behavior. Avoid generalizing these feelings to you as a person (i.e., focus on your actions, not your character).
Make amends Make amends when possible with the person you harmed. If there are no amends to be made, consider whether you’re being reasonable in blaming yourself.
Recommit Learn from the experience, and continue to make choices that are in line with your values. By recommitting to your values, you reaffirm that your principles are important to you, which can lead to personal growth.
Nurture compassion Try to build up good feelings about yourself, and get into a more compassionate mindset. How would you speak to a friend who was going through the same thing?
Let go Let go of any negative feelings toward yourself. Notice whether any behaviors or unhelpful thinking processes are continuing the cycle of self-punishment. You’re not pretending it didn’t happen; you’re simply acknowledging that continuing to resent yourself is no longer useful. Treat yourself with compassion, and validate your value as a person, perhaps with the use of affirmations or guided meditations.
Self-forgiveness is necessary for us to move on, learn from our mistakes, and ultimately lead a more fulfilling life. Check out this inspiring TED talk from Dr. Eileen Timmins on How Self Forgiveness Leads to Light, Love and a Joyful Life.
Compassion-Focused Therapy
For some people, self-forgiveness may feel like an insurmountable mountain to climb alone. Compassion-Focused Therapy can help people develop their ability to manage their emotions and the emotions of others (Gilbert & Woodyatt, 2017).
Some core competencies developed during Compassion-Focused Therapy include (Gilbert & Woodyatt, 2017):
Attention sensitivity: A state of mindfulness – looking at and being aware of the suffering of others and the negative feelings we experience as a result.
Sympathy: The distress of others can evoke emotions within us, which can motivate us to pursue self-forgiveness.
Distress tolerance: Tolerating difficult feelings and the negative thoughts and beliefs associated with these feelings.
Empathy: Connecting on an emotional level with the self and others. This is fundamental to deepening an awareness of the consequences of our actions and connecting with our shared humanity.
Nonjudgment: Letting difficult thoughts and feelings in and sitting with them, observing the experience from a compassionate perspective.
Through the sessions, the counselor encourages the client to get in touch with their “most compassionate self” and asks questions to help them understand what they need to do for themselves to reach self-forgiveness (Gilbert & Woodyatt, 2017).
20 Self-Forgiveness Affirmations
Affirmations are positive statements that can help people reconnect with a more compassionate mindset. Using them regularly can help people turn the volume down on negative self-talk and amplify more positive self-affirming thoughts.
Here are 20 self-forgiveness affirmations you could try either for yourself or in session with a client:
I am worthy of forgiveness.
I am human, and sometimes I make mistakes.
I can learn from my mistakes.
I forgive myself for what I did.
No one is defined by one mistake or one incident.
I can let go of feelings of guilt and shame.
I can forgive myself, as I would forgive others.
I deserve to treat myself with compassion and kindness.
I love, forgive, and accept myself with all of my imperfections.
I am worthy of others’ love and acceptance, just as I am.
By accepting responsibility for what happened, I can achieve personal growth.
I deserve to be able to move on with my life.
I welcome kindness, compassion, and love into my life.
I care about others and am accountable for my actions.
I am wiser today than yesterday because I have learned from my mistakes.
I deserve to speak kindly to myself.
Making mistakes is an opportunity to gain wisdom.
Forgiveness is a strength.
Punishing myself forever is unhelpful to me and others.
I will continue to live in line with my values as best I can, as I always have.
A Look at Self-Forgiveness Meditation
Guided meditations, often with imagery, can be used to help clients become more aware of their thoughts and feelings, engage with their compassionate mind, and grant themselves forgiveness (Ogunyemi, Sugiyama, & Ferrari, 2020).
For people who have difficulty saying goodbye to guilt, registered clinical hypnotherapist Suzanne Robichaud has provided this Letting Go of Guilt guided meditation and hypnotherapy practice.
Or, try this 12-minute Self-Compassion Break audio meditation exercise from psychologist Chris Germer.
5 Books About the Power of Self-Forgiveness
Here are five fantastic reads that are bountiful in exercises, tips, and techniques you can share with your clients or apply in your own practice.
1. Moving Forward: Six Steps to Forgiving Yourself and Breaking Free From the Past – Everett Worthington Jr.
Worthington outlines his six steps for reaching self-forgiveness, which focus on forgiveness from others, from God, and from the self.
Worthington writes that by realizing how valuable and cherished we are and embracing God’s acceptance, we can free ourselves from shame, guilt, and self-blame.
Rutledge is a therapist specializing in self-forgiveness. His book offers a step-by-step guide to self-forgiveness and guided practices influenced by his extensive work in this area.
The book includes guided exercises and tools to help readers deal with their own critical inner voice, overcome obstacles, and ultimately empower themselves.
3. Radical Self-Forgiveness: The Direct Path to TrueSelf-Acceptance – Colin Tipping
Tipping outlines his powerful method for reaching self-forgiveness and shares tried-and-tested techniques from his widely acclaimed self-forgiveness workshops.
Using radical self-acceptance, Tipping presents a manual to help individuals gain freedom from self-judgment and limiting beliefs.
Self-forgiveness can be painful but also liberating, which is probably why quotes about self-forgiveness can resonate with us so strongly.
Here are some of our favorite self-forgiveness quotes from the minds of some inspiring people:
The most terrifying thing is to accept oneself completely.
Carl Jung (PsychCentral, n.d.)
In order to heal, we must first forgive … and sometimes the person we must forgive is ourselves.
Mila Bron (PsychCentral, n.d.)
Having compassion starts and ends with having compassion for all those unwanted parts of ourselves.
Pema Chodron (PsychCentral, n.d.)
Do as the heavens have done, forget your evil; With them forgive yourself.
William Shakespeare (Wise Sayings, n.d.)
You cannot travel back in time to fix your mistakes, but you can learn from them and forgive yourself for not knowing better.
Leon Brown (Wise Sayings, n.d.)
Our sorrows and wounds are only healed when we touch them with compassion.
Buddha (PsychCentral, n.d.)
Forgiveness is man’s deepest need and highest achievement.
Horace Bushnell (Wisdomquotes, n.d.)
While revenge weakens society, forgiveness gives it strength.
14th Dalai Lama (Wisdomquotes, n.d.)
Forgiveness is simply about understanding that every one of us is both inherently good and inherently flawed.
Desmond Tutu (Wisdomquotes, n.d.)
Peace is letting it be. Letting life flow, letting emotions flow through you.
Kamal Ravikant (PsychCentral, n.d.)
When you forgive, you in no way change the past – but you sure do change the future.
Bernard Meltzer (Wisdomquotes, n.d.)
Forgiveness is giving up the hope that the past could have been any different, it’s accepting the past for what it was, and using this moment and this time to help yourself move forward.
Oprah Winfrey (Wisdomquotes, n.d.)
I have always found that mercy bears richer fruits than strict justice.
Abraham Lincoln (Wisdomquotes, n.d.)
Forgive yourself as you strive to be your best self.
Angel Moreira (Wise Sayings, n.d.)
There are times when all of us have been thoughtless, selfish or cruel. But no act is unforgivable; no person is beyond redemption.
Desmond Tutu (Wisdomquotes, n.d.)
Helpful PositivePsychology.com Resources
If you’re working with clients who are battling with self-forgiveness, check out the following assessments and worksheets that may help:
Perfectionist Beliefs ‘Flexibility’ Self-Assessment This short assessment presents a series of questions to help clients identify areas where their thinking is rigid and instances when they might benefit from relaxing perfectionist tendencies.
Spotting Self-Love This exercise helps clients cultivate an attitude of kindness toward themselves by presenting vignettes and reflections about self-love and self-criticism.
A Letter of Self-Compassion This exercise invites clients to write themselves a brief message of forgiveness and acceptance in the second-person perspective to help pave the way for self-forgiveness and compassion.
17 Self-Compassion Exercises If you’re looking for more science-based ways to help others develop self-compassion, this collection contains 17 validated self-compassion tools for practitioners. Use them to help others create a kinder and more nurturing relationship with the self.
A Take-Home Message
The road to self-forgiveness is winding and bumpy. Some people will naturally find it more difficult to forgive themselves than others, but we are all capable and worthy of self-forgiveness.
True self-forgiveness can only be reached when we have accepted responsibility for our actions; at first, self-forgiveness can be painful or uncomfortable. Eventually, the bad feelings we have toward ourselves need to end and healing and personal growth begins. No good is done by fueling the cycle of self-punishment eternally.
The journey of self-forgiveness will look different for everyone. What we do share is our humanity. Our flaws, imperfections, and impulses can lead us all astray.
But these mistakes, mishaps, or wrongdoings offer us the chance to do better next time, to learn, grow, and continue trying to be the best versions of ourselves.
Cornish, M. A., & Wade, N. G. (2015). A therapeutic model of self‐forgiveness with intervention strategies for counselors. Journal of Counseling & Development, 93, 96–104.
Enright, R. D., & the Human Development Study Group. (1996). Counseling within the forgiveness triad: On forgiving, receiving forgiveness, and self-forgiveness. Counseling and Values, 40, 107–126.
Gilbert, P. (2019). The compassionate mind. Robinson.
Gilbert, P., & Woodyatt, L. (2017). An evolutionary approach to shame-based self-criticism, self-forgiveness, and compassion. In L. Woodyatt, E. L. Worthington, Jr., M. Wenzel, & B. J. Griffin (Eds.). Handbook of the psychology of self-forgiveness (pp. 29–41). Springer, Cham.
Griffin, B. J., Worthington, E. L., Jr., Bell, C. M., & Davis, D. E. (2017). Self-directed intervention to promote self-forgiveness. In L. Woodyatt, E. L. Worthington, Jr., M. Wenzel, & B. J. Griffin (Eds.). Handbook of the psychology of self-forgiveness (pp. 207–218). Springer, Cham.
Hall, J. H., & Fincham, F. D. (2005). Self-forgiveness: The stepchild of forgiveness research. Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology, 24(5), 621–637.
Kendall, R. T. (2007). How to forgive ourselves totally. Charisma House.
PsychCentral. (n.d.). 30 Healing quotes on self-forgiveness. Retrieved June 16, 2021, from https://psychcentral.com/blog/30-healing-quotes-on-self-forgiveness#1
Ogunyemi, D., Sugiyama, N. I., & Ferrari, T. M. (2020). A professional development workshop to facilitate self-forgiveness. Journal of Graduate Medical Education, 12(3), 335–339.
Rutledge, T. (2015). The self-forgiveness handbook. Booklocker.com
Tipping, C. (2011). Radical self-forgiveness: The direct path to true self-acceptance. Sounds True.
Wisdomquotes. (n.d.). 200 Forgiveness quotes that will set you free. Retrieved June 16, 2021, from https://wisdomquotes.com/forgiveness-quotes/
Wise Sayings. (n.d.). Forgiving yourself sayings and quotes. Retrieved June 16, 2021, from https://www.wisesayings.com/forgiving-yourself-quotes/
Woodyatt, L., Worthington, E. L., Wenzel, M., & Griffin, B. J. (2017). Orientation to the psychology of self-forgiveness. In L. Woodyatt, E. L. Worthington, Jr., M. Wenzel, & B. J. Griffin (Eds.). Handbook of the psychology of self-forgiveness (pp. 3–16). Springer, Cham.
Worthington, E., Jr. (2013). Moving forward: Six steps to forgiving yourself and breaking free from the past. WaterBrook.
ABOUT THE AUTHOR
Dr. Helen Brown is a freelance writer with a Ph.D. in Psychology and MSc in Organizational Psychology. She has a varied background working in mental health and wellbeing research and is passionate about all things psychological. As well as writing about many psychology and health topics, Helen loves to scribble away at fictional stories and screenplays too. You can usually find her in the countryside just south of Bristol, UK.
How Anxiety Gets Out of Control In a culture obsessed with control, feeling peace all the time is not realistic. Posted June 6, 2022| Psychology Today | Reviewed by Michelle Quirk
Our culture is obsessed with control and security and expects to feel peace and happiness all the time, which is not realistic.
KEY POINTS
Our culture is obsessed with control and security and expects to feel peace and happiness all the time, which is not realistic.
When we perceive our initial physical sensations of anxiety as a reason for concern, our apprehension triggers adrenaline to release.
Our need to get rid of anxiety increases our symptoms.
Accepting that anxiety is normal and not inherently dangerous could stop it from spiraling out of control.
Jim is stuck in a cycle. He’s an athletic man in his 40s who works as an EMT, and he is prone to panic attacks. When panic strikes, Jim’s heart palpitates, his throat closes up, and he thinks, Oh no, I’m having a heart attack! or Oh no, I’m going to end up with super-high levels of anxiety and I’m not going to be able to tolerate it!
When Amelia describes her onrush of anxiety, she says it feels like a hurricane that gradually mounts in intensity. It starts with the stormy winds of anxious feelings, and these are quickly followed by a torrent of guilt and shame. “I judge myself for feeling anxious,” she says to me. “I get concerned that I have a disease, that I’m not strong enough and I won’t be able to handle life.”
In both of these cases—and countless others—there are actually two types of anxiety happening.
The First Type of Anxiety The first is the initial experience of anxiety, such as Jim’s heart palpitations and Amelia’s anxious feelings. These are uncomfortable, but completely innocuous. That’s right—there is nothing problematic, dangerous, or harmful in any way with having some anxious thoughts, feelings, or sensations. In fact, the physical sensations associated with this form of anxiety are meant to be unpleasant, in order to keep us alert and aware.
The Second Type of Anxiety The second type of anxiety involves how people respond to the first. In Jim’s case, he catastrophizes and thinks the worst. As for Amelia, she gets caught in a pattern of judgment and self-criticism. It’s this second form of anxiety that gets people into trouble.
When we perceive our initial (unpleasant but harmless) physical sensations of anxiety as a reason for concern, our apprehension triggers adrenaline to release into the bloodstream. This causes our anxiety to cascade further, which typically begets more catastrophizing and self-criticism. A vicious cycle results, and, voila—anxiety gets out of control.
The critical factor that begets and perpetuates this cycle is seeing anxiety as something we shouldn’t have. Our need to get rid of anxiety increases our symptoms. For some, it’s more like an avalanche than a hurricane, as the initial shock of recognition shakes loose layers of mental and emotional debris until the person fears being suffocated.
The above raises a question: If the initial experience of anxiety isn’t inherently dangerous, but merely uncomfortable, why does it make us so afraid?
The Desire for Control and Security The most compelling explanation I’ve found for this paradox is that our culture is obsessed with control. Today, we have predictions for everything, from financial markets, political elections, and flu epidemics to professional sports outcomes and the weather. And despite the fact that such predictions are notoriously incorrect—often by a wide margin—we scrutinize them as the soothsayers of ancient Rome once examined the entrails of sacrificial animals.
Along these lines, we medicalize normal mood states. What was once considered standard levels of stress in decades past is a reason for a Xanax prescription today. We expect our emotions to be totally even-keeled—we want to feel equanimity and peace and happiness all the time. As a result, we cannot handle the discomfort or perceived danger of feeling anxious and unmoored. Our inability to accept a full range of normal human emotion (including the first type of anxiety) leads our distress to intensify (the second type of anxiety).
We do all of this because our culture cannot tolerate uncertainty. We would prefer to predict the future and be completely wrong than to admit we have no clue what’s going to happen!
We are also obsessed with security. In the context of our society’s unparalleled and unprecedented affluence, we have become accustomed to a false sense of safety. When moments of threat penetrate the veil, we are thrust into panic.
Ironically, individuals who live in the third world are at an advantage when it comes to anxiety because they are less likely to expect safety or security. As such, when reality hits, it is simply understood and accepted as a part of life. Perhaps it’s for this reason that anxiety is higher in the United States than in all other nations on earth,1 and wealthier nations are substantially worse off than those with fewer resources.2
How do we stop our anxiety from getting out of control? We need to internalize that the initial experience of anxiety itself is not a problem. Nothing is wrong with you for being tense, anxious, or afraid. Anxiety is nothing to fear! In fact, the initial experience of anxiety is actually positive, since it keeps us alert, aware, and safe. Once we realize this basic concept, we never need to catastrophize about anxious feelings or judge ourselves for feeling anxious, and our anxiety is less likely to get out of control.
(Website Author’s Note: If you are experiencing severe, recurrent levels of anxiety and persist despite efforts to simply change your cognitive view of symptoms, this may be due to the result of past traumatic experiences that need to be resolved in therapy. Also, remember to consult with your physician to rule out any medical conditions that may be contributing to symptoms)
Creating and tending to a garden, no matter how small, can be so healing and renewing! Especially for those of us who live in the city, even having a few potted flowers and plants on a small patio has the potential to bring much joy. Besides having colorful nature to gaze upon whenever you look out the window, you may find that, depending on the types of flowering plants and shrubs you have, you may receive frequent visits from butterflies, hummingbirds, and other birds who come to sip nectar.
Here is an article from Popular Science about how we can attract more butterflies into our gardens.
Butterflies drink more than nectar—here’s how to turn your yard into an oasis
These beautiful insects like to get a little dirty.
Tiger swallowtails are among the more common butterfly species to use watering areas. Courtesy of David Mizejewski
With heat waves becoming more common across the US, butterflies are just some of the many wild creatures that may not be getting enough fluids and nutrition. Butterflies, as books and television have shown us, obtain a lot of their hydration from flower nectar. Yet sipping water from muddy soil, known as puddling, provides key nutrients for reproduction that nectar can’t provide.
“It’s mostly male butterflies who puddle, and you often see them in large groups,” says Nathan Brockman, butterfly wing curator at Iowa State University’s Reiman Gardens. The more males at a location, the more likely other males will stop to see if there’s something they should be getting. Watering areas are often muddy soil or… other sources of fluid.
David Mizejewski, naturalist with the National Wildlife Federation and author of Attracting Birds, Butterflies, and Other Backyard Wildlife, said many people “have an image of butterflies being magical creatures that flit around drinking flower nectar.” In reality some butterflies sip liquid from dung, urine, and rotting fruit. Males incorporate salts and minerals from these sources or mud into their sperm. Females absorb those nutrients during mating, increasing egg survival.
By adding a butterfly-friendly watering area near your pollinator garden or flower bed, you can provide butterflies with much-needed moisture and nutrients. Try your hand at one of these three easy-to-build watering areas.
Fill a dish with soil and water
If you like the idea of a contained watering area that roughly mimics a natural mud puddle, a simple dish may be a good option for you. Find a shallow bird bath or a saucer such as the drainage dish that goes under a flowerpot. Any container smaller than the size of a standard bird bath, or 15-20 inches wide, will be difficult for butterflies to find. Add organic garden soil since soil with chemical fertilizers can harm butterfly health. Mix in compost, sand, and even manure, which “sounds kind of gross but it’s got a ton of minerals and other nutrients in it,” says Mizejewski.
Next, add enough water to the mixture so it is muddy but does not have standing pools of water, which can encourage mosquitos to breed. Butterflies also have a hard time landing in water that is more than 1/4 to 1/8-inch deep and can get stuck. Place the dish on the ground or elevate it on a stand in a sunny spot in your yard.
Assemble a fruit feeder
Want to find a good use for overly ripe fruit you didn’t get around to eating? Place rotting bananas, watermelon, oranges, or apples in a shallow bowl or plate. Sprinkle some salt on the buffet to make it even more enticing. Some people add water to the dish to repel ants; if you do this, keep the water shallow, around a quarter-inch in depth. If you keep the water any deeper because it is drying quickly in hot weather, add plenty of rocks to ensure there are places for butterflies to land. Brockman also recommends adding little footholds to smooth dishes by dispensing lines of hot glue perpendicular to where the water line will be so butterflies can climb out. Don’t forget to bring your fruit feeder in at night—raccoons also like rotting fruit.
Create a muddy area in your yard
The most natural way to create a butterfly watering area is to maintain an area of exposed muddy soil in your yard. If you have an area that tends to be too wet, you could plant native wetland plants and turn it into a rain garden designed to absorb rainwater. To be most effective, the area should be roughly 5 feet by 5 feet, but “any little bit can help,” says Mizejewski. Incorporate some areas of bare soil, too. If you don’t have a low-lying wet area or don’t want a muddy spot in your yard, the soil mixture dish or fruit feeder may be better options for you.
What visitors to expect
When butterflies start using your watering area will depend: you may see them within a day, a week, or a month. None may show up if there isn’t enough butterfly habitat, like native host plants for caterpillars and nectar plants, around your yard and neighborhood.
Be prepared to also see many other types of insects such as beetles, wasps, flies, and bees visiting your watering area. All have their roles in your backyard ecosystem. For example, insects are a large part of many songbirds’ diet. Mud is a critical resource for ground-nesting native bees that use it to build a protective chamber wall for their eggs in underground tunnels. By helping native bees, you will also aid the many wildflowers, vegetables, and fruits that they pollinate.
If you want to go further, the watering area you make can be part of an oasis for butterflies, especially when combined with other habitat features such as native plants and places where adults and larvae may safely shelter, such as under leaves, brush piles, and rocks. Whatever you do, large or small, you’re sure to get a close-up view of nature.
Kristine Nemec is a restoration ecologist and a freelance writer and editor. When not at a computer, you may find her walking her shaggy terrier mix or cycling. Learn more about her at kristinenemec.com.
Sometimes, as a community, as a culture, we forget that these are our children, too. Precious humans who have suffered deeply before harming others. Yes they need consequences. Yet equally importantly, they need kindness, understanding of the deeper wounds of mind and soul. Heartbreaking photos. Unacceptable. Vital to share. The good news, at least in some jurisdictions, is that there is a cosmic shift occurring in the juvenile justice system that supports re-purposing the prison-like juvenile camps into rehabilitation centers that treat the whole child/youth with care while reinforcing personal responsibility and fostering a new chapter of life in which to grow and thrive. Thank you, Richard Ross. Blessings to all the children.
Thank you for curing me of my absolute terror of numbers. For helping me to see the deep connection between the numbers and the story behind them. For making the data come alive! This newfound comfort with and awareness of the power of numbers affects not just my work life, as we team to improve outcomes for abused children and their families, but every day life as well. So, I’m shopping for face cream. The ad says, “More than 87% of women saw significant improvement in skin texture within 14 days!” And, I’m thinking, “But what’s the denominator???!!! Tell me the denominator, and maybe I’ll buy your product.” A new arena for critical thinking, indeed!
Thank you for always being willing to listen to me, even when we did not agree. And, modeling for me how to ask the hard questions of self when there is conflict. Your capacity to come back to a place of self-reflection has really impacted me. To ask, “What is my part?” “How could I have listened more deeply?” “Where did I need to seek to understand you better?” I have seen you grow as a human being, and it has helped me grow.
Thank you for all the courageous conversations about race, oppression, and privilege. Just two melanin-challenged women trying to figure out how we could have come so far as a society since the days of Dr. King, and yet, have so far to go. How to close the gap? I promise to continue having those conversations. To speak up. To stand up. Not out of anger, but the deep inner knowing that every human being is a precious manifestation of God’s intention, a shimmering orb of magnificent potential that is at once vulnerable and infinitely resilient. To champion the cause of freedom and justice.
Thank you for all the flowers and plants that randomly appeared in our suite from your garden. Especially the sumptuous roses. But, even the ones that were very odd and looked like something out of Darth Vader’s garden.
Thank you for your dedication to children and families, and your endless energy in this work. Your creative genius is like a fountain spring that surprises with its freshness, and also makes us say, “Well of course. That makes perfect sense!”
Thank you for sharing so freely about your wild and wonderful family – your saint-of-a-husband, Clay; your three sons, daughters-in-law, grandchildren, parents, and countless siblings; the whole family going to take sign language classes as you prepared to welcome your new daughter-in-law into the family; and, tales of those Minnesota snow-bound winters.
Thank you for continuously acknowledging and thanking us for the work that we do every day.
Let this gathering be like a tea ceremony in the Chinese tradition of your family – honoring and celebrating who you are.
We love you. We’re going to miss you greatly! But…maybe not so much, because of all that you have intentionally, and unintentionally, instilled in our minds and hearts.
May this next chapter of your journey be even more thrilling and fulfilling than your wildest dreams!
Join the Nature Conservancy’s campaign to plant one billion trees in the world’s “critical” forests by 2025.
Here are just a few of the benefits of earth’s precious trees:
1. Trees filter toxins from the air, producing oxygen and cleaner air for us to breathe; 2. Trees clean our water through their root systems, which accounts for more than 50% of the drinking water in the United States; 3. Trees hold vast amounts of carbon dioxide, keeping it out of the air, which is good for us and good for climate change; 4. Trees are home to hundreds of thousands of plant and animal species. In Brazil alone, more than 60% of the country’s threatened species call the Atlantic forests home. Yet, only 12% of the forest remains.
Together, we can help support this amazing effort! Trees are so essential to our well-being and that of our beautiful planet Earth!
Just click the link below to plant your own tree – one in a billion!
Maybe you’ve been thinking about eating healthier and lighter raw foods but don’t know where to begin? Or maybe you’re just tired of using the oven, dealing with the heat and waiting with fingers crossed, hoping it’s all going to turn out as expected? Why not try amazing raw vegan desserts? Fresh, clean ingredients, no baking, and very little waiting!
These recipes are rich, decadent, satisfying … exactly how desserts should be…
Ingredients
Ice Cream:
3/4 cup coconut water
1/4 cup lime juice
1 Tbsp lime zest
4 cups young coconut meat (or 4 cups raw cashews, soaked 4 hours and drained if coconut unavailable)
1/2 cup raw coconut nectar (or other liquid raw sweetnener of choice)
seeds of one vanilla bean
a pinch of sea salt
1/2 cup raw coconut butter (or oil will work too here), warmed to liquid
1 small chunk red beet
1 cup mixed organic raspberries and strawberries
Coating:
1/2 cup raw sprouted buckwheat groats
1/2 cup finely shredded dried coconut
1/4 cup ground flaxseed
3 Tbsp raw cacao powder
1/2 cup pitted, soft Medjool dates
1/4 tsp sea salt
1/2 tsp ground chipotle powder
1/2 tsp cinnamon
1/3 cup finely shredded dried coconut
1/4 cup cacao nibs
Sauce:
2 cups fresh organic strawberries
1 Tbsp lemon juice
1 Tbsp raw coconut nectar or your choice of liquid raw sweetener
1 tsp pure vanilla extract
Preparation
To make ice cream base:
Add coconut water, lime juic,e and zest to a high speed blender, along with coconut, nectar, vanilla, sea salt, coconut butter, beet, and berries, and process until very smooth, about a minute or two. Pour the mixture into an ice cream maker and process according to directions.
Pour into a freezer safe container with a lid, and let sit in the freezer overnight or until scoop-able (it needs to firm up). Scoop out 4 balls of ice cream (you will have extra ice cream for another use) with a large ice cream scoop and allow them to freeze hard.
To make the coating:
In a food processor, combine the buckwheat, coconut, flaxseed, cacao powder, sea salt, chipotle, cinnamon, and dates, and process until starting to hold together when squeezed (if it doesn’t, add a few more dates). Mix in the shredded coconut and cacao nibs. Place the crumble mixture in a bowl, and roll the ice cream balls in it, pressing it into them to adhere. Place the balls back in the freezer while you make the sauce.
To make the sauce:
Combine all ingredients in the food processor and process until smooth.
To plate, spoon some of the sauce onto the plate, then place the fried ice cream on top of it. Allow to sit out for at least 15 minutes to soften before enjoying (or you can pop it into the dehydrator a few minutes if you would like it quicker).
Indulge and enjoy, knowing that your body will thank you!
A rain garden is a shallow planted depression designed to hold water until it soaks into the soil. A key feature of eco-friendly landscape design, rain gardens—also known as bio-infiltration basins—are gaining credibility and converts as an important solution to stormwater runoff and pollution. Here we’ll show you how to make a rain garden fit handsomely into a landscape and still fulfill all of its environmental functions.
Nowadays, according to the EPA, much of the rain that falls on a typical city block heads overland to the nearest pipe, washing along any crud it finds. Historically that water would have infiltrated—soaked in—leaving impurities behind in the soil and plants as it passed through to replenish the water table. Rain gardens are intended to counteract both the unnatural runoff patterns in urban and suburban areas (too many roads, too much paving, too many hard surfaces) as well as the increased crud levels found in them.
Rain gardens can work in most climates, but are most effective in regions with a natural groundwater hydrology—that is, areas with deep soils that drink in water rather than rocky areas that force rain to run overland. Most of the United States is like this. Rain gardens have gained wide residential use in cities as diverse as Kansas City, Minneapolis, and Portland, Oregon (the latter two offer utility-bill discounts for rain-garden installation). Entire towns, such as Maplewood, Minnesota, have turned to rain gardens to handle neighborhood storm-water management, plunking little planted basins down between curbs and property lines.
RAIN GARDEN DESIGN TIPS
Think of a rain garden just like a border or foundation planting rather than a beloved specimen tree. In other words, it should not be a stand-alone feature.
Consider all the rules of composition, screening and circulation—not just the rule that says to put a rain garden in a low spot 10 feet from the house.
Pick a shape that works with the rest of your garden design. A rain garden does not need a specific shape to function properly so feel free to be creative.
A rain garden can be as formal or as wild as you like—it’s all about the plant selection. Monocultural rain gardens are OK as long as that fits with your overall design. Here are some favorite rain-garden plants: Lobelia cardinalis (cardinal flower), Iris versicolor or I. virginica (blue flag iris), Veronicastrum virginicum (culver’s root), Carex vulpinoidea (fox sedge), Cornus sericea (red-twig dogwood), Acorus gramineus(sweet flag), and Athyrium filix-femina (lady fern).
A rain garden doesn’t have to be separate from other plantings. Consider making a depression within a perennial bed or shrub border (especially if space is tight and you don’t have room for a larger rain garden that stands alone).
Put in more than one rain garden for repetition and continuity. If it works with your overall design, create a little rain garden for each downspout.
“So how can we get away from a rain garden being a kidney shape plopped in the front yard?” asks John Gishnock III. My thoughts exactly, because that result is pretty common. Gishnock is owner of Formecology, a design/build firm specializing in rain gardens and native plants in Wisconsin. He has created rain gardens that are seamlessly incorporated along typical suburban driveway-to-door sidewalks; gardens below dry-laid stone walls adjacent to rustic pathways; and even a garden in the shape of a spiral galaxy (to be viewed from a lucky owner’s second-story porch). “A rain garden,” says Gishnock, “needs to look like the rest of the landscape.”
Landscape architect Jim Hagstrom of Savanna Designs in Lake Elmo, Minnesota, agrees. “We integrate rain gardens into the design,” he says, “and two-thirds of the time you won’t notice them.” His designs depend mostly on his clients’ sensibilities. Some love the wild native look of a traditional rain garden, while others favor the idea of infiltration but don’t want to see a “patch of weeds.” He has incorporated a rain garden into the center of a circle drive and devised a standing stone flow-through curb to match the house. He has created a large basin that infiltrates most water then holds the rest for pond habitat. He has built rain gardens in the centers of lawns, by dishing the landscape and ensuring well-draining soil. “You get a little pond after a rain,” he describes, “and in 24 hours it’s gone, and you have the lawn back.”
However they look, rain gardens work, helping to reduce storm-water waste by 99 percent, according to one study, and keeping runoff clean. But they can also be an integrated design element, making landscapes both sustainable and beautiful.
This article was written by Adam Regn Avidson and published in April 2019, on GardenDesign.com:
Use BeeWize Eco-friendly Reusable Food Wraps for storing fruits, veggies, cheese, bread, or covering a bowl, instead of traditional plastic wrap!
TIP #2:
Use glassware for storing leftovers, meats, fish, and other prepared foods!
TIP #3:
Give up those plastic water bottles for good! Invest in glass or stainless steel water containers!
TIP #4:
Always take your reusable fabric shopping bags with you when food shopping!
TIP #5:
Eat more whole foods and less processed, or packaged, foods!
TIP #6:
Purchase foods, such as, pasta, beans, rice, or other grains, in bulk, using a reusable bag or container!
TIP #7:
Buy prepared drinks in boxes or glass, not in plastic bottles!
TIP #8:
Buy fruits and veggies in your market’s produce section, or at the farmer’s market, rather than pre-packaged in plastic!
TIP #9:
As a snack, put an apple or banana in your work satchel, or your kids’ lunch boxes, rather than a plastic-wrapped snack!
TIP #10:
Bring a thermos to your local coffeeshop, and say No to the polyethylene-lined paper cup and plastic lid that will not decompose for 100 years!
TIP #11:
Stop using plastic silverware!
TIP #12
Replace plastic straws with glass straws!
TIP #13:
Use a toothbrush made of recycled plastics; or, to be truly green, use a bamboo toothbrush!
TIP #14:
Use wood or glass cutting boards, not plastic!
TIP #15:
Buy ceramic bowls to feed your pets!
TIP #16:
Buy soft-cloth toys for your pets, instead of plastic toys!
TIP #17:
Buy laundry soap in boxes, not plastic containers!
TIP #18:
Give up liquid body wash (in plastic containers) and buy bar soap!
TIP #19:
Say No to face wash, toothpaste, and other personal products with “polypropylene,” or
“polyethylene” in the ingredient list. These micro-plastics are polluting our magnificent oceans!
TIP #20:
Join a community clean-up group with your family, and help keep your neighborhood community, or other people’s communities, beautiful! Some clean-up organizations track the amount of waste collected to share with local politicians, who then have documented evidence to support the creation of new laws reducing the volume of trash in the community.
We thank you for playing your part, no matter how small,
in keeping our homes, communities, and planet clean and beautiful!
