The Power of the Breath
Life, by its very nature, is about possibilities. Therefore, when life feels challenging or overwhelming, when we are feeling the most stuck or hopeless, the solution may lie in remembering, assessing, and being open to what is possible, moment by moment.
The most terrifying and depressing experience in human life is one in which we feel there are no options; that we are powerless to affect, or change, our experience. The reason this feeling-thought seems so terrible, is that it is not accurate. It goes against the very essence of how we are made and the true purpose of our being. Yet in our darkest moments the perception of powerlessness can grab hold, hold on, and shut us down.
In our “shut down” state, we have no access to the best aspects of being human: love, creativity, kindness, generosity, playfulness, reverence, resiliency, There are countless methods for shifting our emotional state that have been identified throughout the ages and will continue to be sought. But, there is one area of focus that rises above, and leads, all others. It is an area that is always present, always accessible, closer than our hands and feet. The Breath.
Being aware of the inflow and outflow of breath, slowing the rhythm of the breath, deepening and expanding the breath, enjoying your breathing, consciously, even just for a few moments, changes everything.
Once our attention is settled gently upon our breathing, the ever-present stream of life’s options and possibilities is able to flow into our experience.
Now we can feel hopeful again. Now we can feel curious and alive again. Choosing moment by moment to stay open to possibilities.
Life is good.
The Illusion of Failure
Life presents daily opportunities to take a risk, and either succeed, or miss the mark. Many of us were raised with the idea that if you apply for the position and are rejected, if you take the exam and do not pass, if you profess your love to your beloved and the love is not reciprocated, you have failed.
This concept of failure is one of the greatest misperceptions known to humankind. And, holds, perhaps, the greatest potential to limit our discovery of our inner gifts, our inner genius, and our inner beauty.
Throughout the centuries, failure has been used as a tool to control the minds and behavior of the masses through fear and shame. It is time to set ourselves free from the bondage of this idea called failure.
Failure does not exist except in the mind.
People may tell you that you have failed; you may tell yourself that you have failed. But, it is an untruth. An impossibility…unless you convince yourself it is true. Even then, in reality it remains an impossibility.
Here’s why – Every effort, every venture into the unknown is, in and of itself, a miracle of the human spirit – no matter how small that venture may be. We can grow, be enlightened, deepened and strengthened on all levels of our being simply by exercising the willingness to create something, build something , say something, attempt something, while relinquishing control of the outcome. If you have taken a risk in your work, in your relationship, in your artistic expression, in your contribution to the world, and the outcome was not what you had envisioned – even if you feel disappointed, embarrassed, hopeless, or angry – you can choose to celebrate the fact that you had the courage to step out into the unknown.
There is a part of you, deep inside, that knows strength, that knows what it is to be resilient. You are human and therefore created to be resilient. You must never let anyone lead you to believe that the outcome defines you, whether that outcome is spectacularly impressive, or the complete opposite.
Either way, let the magic of discovery continue to beckon. Keep exploring. Keep risking. Follow the quiet leading of your deepest inspiration. This is the secret of a life well-loved. Staying open to the endless potential for self-discovery each day, moment by moment, breath by breath.
What is True Love?
When the river of love is flowing, unobstructed, in mind, heart and body, we feel wonderful. Love is mysterious. We do not choose whom we love. We just love.
When it comes to intimate love relationships, the object of our love may not always make sense to those observing us. But, often the love flows regardless of others’ opinions about it; even our own. In our deepest knowing, we may see that the beloved is not the best investment for our love offering. Perhaps, the giving and receiving of love is not reciprocal. Perhaps, our hearts are continuously disappointed by the actions, or inaction, of the beloved. Yet, we love.
Here are a few of the secrets to keeping your soul intact when in love:
Remember that all of your feelings are of value. Continue to open the heart to all the feelings that arise in relation to your beloved, whether it is excitement, anger, boredom, longing, ecstasy, admiration, or contentment. The ebb and flow of feelings is a forever phenomenon. Feelings are powerful tools for the positive when we remember that they are indicators of how we are using our powers of focus and how we are interpreting our experiences. Feelings shape our experiences, but they need not define them. If the feelings are painful, you may want to ask yourself if you are interpreting your love’s behavior as an indication that you are not worthy of love, that you are destined to be alone, or that true love is for everyone but you. Even if you find yourself angry with your beloved, there may be a belief, a fear, underneath the anger that you are not deserving of love, and the anger serves as a way to overcome that fear. Breathe into that feeling, no matter how big it is, and on the exhale, let it go. Then see what arises and breathe into that, as well. The combination of the feelings and the conscious breath becomes a magical vehicle that will eventually carry you to a new level of insight, clarity, and inspired action. Breathe deeply, and always know that you are worthy of being loved.
Seek to find a balance between taking care of the self and staying open to possibilities. Our minds often arrive at conclusions that are more a mechanism of primal protection than an accurate assessment of what is actually happening, and/or needs to happen next. For instance, if your beloved’s action disappoints or angers you, the instinctive response may be to avoid future experiences like it by pulling away from the relationship. Unless that relationship involves abuse, in which case pulling away is the only wise choice, it may be valuable to stay with the feeling and seek to express your feelings to your love. Others can best hear what we need to say when our words are focused on our own feelings, rather than critiquing the actions of the other person.
Be open to the unexpected. Sometimes, we think we know how a person will respond or behave. The truth is, we do not know. Holding a space of positive expectation, allowing the beloved to step into that space with renewed openness, is ultimately more satisfying than assuming we know what will happen next. This positive space, held in your mind, when engaging with your beloved, supports the safety needed for each of you to be real and increases the possibility of love deepening.
Be curious. Rather than assuming that you know what your love is feeling and thinking, ask a question. And, when posing the question be conscious of how you are feeling inside. When you hold a relaxed and genuinely open internal state, it will be felt by your beloved and inspire him or her toward authenticity, rather than reacting with a strategic response to your inquiry.
True love means to love no matter what. True love does not require anything from the beloved. True love does not require either person to suffer. True love flows, freely and unobstructed, even when the truest path is for the paths of two people to diverge.
Know that you can continue to allow your love to flow toward a person, even though the best choice for your growth and well-being may lie in physically separating from him or her. There is no universal law that says there must be anger and bitterness when the form and nature of a relationship shifts.. On the contrary, the highest, purest, and most powerful form of love manifests in our ability to love and have compassion for the emotional limitations of another, while honoring ourselves and turning in a new direction.
Love well.
Breaking Up is Hard To Do
Relationships of all types, intimate, family, work-related, and more, can bring us the most joy and the most pain. No matter where you may find yourself on the experience spectrum today, you may also be discovering that when you consciously choose to embark on a relationship, it can be an enriching and valuable journey – every time, no matter how things unfold.
Breaking up, or ending an intimate relationship, is one of the most difficult and painful experiences we can go through as humans.. Whether practicing “Conscious Uncoupling” or not, the truth is that the ending causes a pain deep inside that may seem unbearable.
We all have different ways of coping with change and loss. However, when it comes to an intimate relationship ending, it is very valuable to resist the temptation to drown the feelings through overstimulation – whether that means jumping quickly into another relationship, or overindulging in food, sex, alcohol, work, or social activities.
There is tremendous value in slowing down after a break up, despite the fact that your survival instincts may be encouraging you to stay busy in mind and body, to protect you from the emotional pain that comes from reflecting upon the loss of connection and what led up to it.
This is one of those times in life when resting in a spiritual practice of your choosing can bring the most comfort, clarity, and healing to mind, body and soul. The term, “spiritual practice,” is somewhat misleading, in that it implies there is some group of behaviors or beliefs that are approved by experts as appropriate. When in fact, a spiritual practice can be any activity, ritual, movement, or expression that brings emotional and/or physical relief and feeds your true identity as a free, loving, powerful, creative being. Here are just a few to consider:
Walking in nature and really hearing the birdsong, feeling the warmth of the sun, taking in the ever-changing beauty of the sky’s expanse – reminding you of limitless possibilities.
Sitting quietly with eyes closed and noticing the inflow and outflow of breath without needing to control it in any way. Allowing thoughts to drift into the mind like clouds in a sky and feelings to ebb and flow in the body – gently returning your attention to the breath once again.
Crying loudly and/or screaming (into a pillow, if necessary, so as not to disturb others); allowing the pain of the moment to bring forth old emotional pain that has been pressed down in memory, and is now present to be recognized, honored, and released.
Writing out all of your thoughts and feelings in a free-flowing style, without editing or judging any of them. Then tearing up the pages or safely burning them to release and purify the energy around them. You may also choose to keep and/or share your writings for future reflection, or to enlighten others with your experience.
Drawing or painting your feelings and experience with wild or sombre colors on a variety of textured surfaces.
Standing in front of the mirror and reminding yourself, out loud, that you are lovable and valuable simply because you exist; that as humans, we are forever capable of growing, and that each one of us is deserving of happiness.
Literally hugging yourself – wrapping your arms tightly around your body, closing your eyes, and feeling the comfort of that embrace and self acceptance.
Praying, which is simply talking to that which is greater than we, whether you call that God, Yeshua, Great Spirit, Source, or Infinite Intelligence. You may simply be aware of the amazing symphonic energies and symmetry of this universe, which is enough to open the floodgates of realization and renewal.
Loving someone is never a mistake. But, how we take care of ourselves when in love can determine the degree of pain that we experience if, or when, it ends. We can always be elevated in consciousness by our pain. If you are experiencing a lot of emotional pain related to the end of your love relationship, let that pain be an encouragement to be kind to yourself. You may find relief in seeking to understand where you might have been more caring, understanding, and compassionate to the other person.
Rest in the knowledge that you are not alone. It takes courage to risk being vulnerable enough to give and receive love from one another. Our humanity is enriched and strengthened by every human challenge that is met with open eyes, a heart willing to see, and trust in the resiliency of our human spirit.